*rorriM*

?rorrim a si tahW
?od ti seod tahW
,noitcelfer ruo su whos yeht...srorriM
,ees ot tnaw ew gnihtyreve fo seipoc
,si ti sa gnihtyreve su whos ot mees yeht
.era yllaer ew ekil sevlesrou whos ot mees yeht
,dnuora denrut si su swohs rorrim a gnihtyreve taht si ezilaer t'nod ew tahw tuB
,dnuora yaw rehto eht sraeppa gnihtyreve
.keaf si ees ew gnihtyreve
,ees ot tnaw ew tahw ees eW
,edistuo s'tahw ees ew
,revoc eht
,sgniht esoht dnoyeb ees t'nod ew tub
,edisni s'tahw
.rettam yllaer taht sgniht eht
.wollahs oS
,segami eht yb deloof era eW
,snoitcelfer eht
,tcefrep eb ot mees yeht
!ton tsuj re'yeht tub
,degnahc si gnihtyrevE
,era yeht sa raeppa t'nod sgniht
.skool ti sa si gnihton esuaceb
,erac t'nod ew tuB
.dnuora yaw eht lla si gnihtyreve ezilaer neve t'nod ew
.tcefrep si gnihtyreve fi sa tca eW
,su yarteb srorriM
.su ecnivnoc ot
,dlrow a fo edistuo eht su wohs yehT
.edisni eht no tnereffid yllaer s'taht

It seems like finally I can rest my head on something real. I like the way that feels.

The calling

Someone once asked me if I believed in magic.
Well, of course I do, it would be stupid not to believe in yourself, wouldn't it? Not surprisingly I was called a freak.
I know there are lots of people that don't believe in magic. They're stuck in what they call "reality", they judge what's different, they're sacared by things they're not used to see.
That's why we, magical creatures, stay away. We only come out at night, when we're free to be ourselves, when we can be ourselves and not be judged.
Maybe we weren't meant to be in this world. Iknow there's a world apart, for us. A world in which fairies have control, in which dragons are not slaves, wiches aren't tortured, a world in which elves dance and sing around the fire, in which no one runs away from werewolves, in which vapires fly freely in the sky. A world in which stars are what matter the most. A world in which, what in this world are called "regular people" are the villains, the weird ones, the different ones, the feared ones.
That is why we, magical creatures, must stay toguether, to fight against this so called "regular world", to be free to go home again.
This is a calling for all of those who have been called freaks, who have been judged, who have felt weird. This is a calling for dragons, werewolves, vampires, elves, fairies and witches. This is a calling for my family, the magical creatures...

The ultimate death survey

What do you think happens after you die?
Peace takes over.
Do you believe in heaven?
Nope
Do you believe in hell?
Maybe
Do you think you will be judged after you die?
After I die? I've beed judged throughout my life!...sure i will, I know i will.
How many people would attend your funeral?
Interested-on-me-people-town population....0
Would you rather that people cry or laugh at your funeral?
Cry...I guess
What's better? A shot in the head or downing pills?
PILLS!
What should be written on your tombstone?
P.A.L. (Peace At Last!)
Would you rather die childless or divorced?
Don't care
Do you want to die in the morning, afternoon, or night?
Night
If you had a million dollars to leave, who would you leave it to?
I'd take them to the grave if you know what I mean
What kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?
Black roses
On your deathbed, which moment will you most remember?
The moment i sat and answered this stupid survey
Have you ever watched someone die?
Yes
What's the most gruesome death you can imagine?
Getting suffocated with a pillow
How often do you think about death?
Every 2 or 3 days
Is fear of dying your number one fear?
Not at all
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Yes
Have you ever wished someone you loved were dead?
... Are you spying on me?
Do you consider life short or long?
Not too short, not too long, enough.
Do you think you have a soul?
I guess
Assisted suicide for a terminally ill person is:
Murder!
If you were cremated, where would you like your ashes?
Thrown into the sea of the most desserted beach
Would you choose to be immortal, if you could be?
Nope
If you could pick a season to die, which would it be?
Fall

The Eye Of The Beholder...

·-·Fantasy·-·

The autumn breeze blew carrying the smell of the dry leaves. The black butterfly came along, fluttering its wings rapidly, impatiently, as if it longed to get to some place, some kind of paradise, a sacred place. As she flied along with the wind , dry leaves followed her and raindrops started falling slowly. But the butterfly kept flying, nothing could stop her, nothing was stronger than the longing; not even the freezing wind, not even the soaking rain. Then, after a long flight, there it was, PARADISE! So peaceful, silent, so enchanting. The grass so green, the water so transparent, so clear, the trees so tall, the smell so fresh, so good. The wind wasn't cold anymore, the rain had stopped falling long ago. The black butterfly stopped flying, she stood on a big gray rock, next to the flowing river. Her wings stopped fluttering, they stoped moving...slowly. She stood still. She looked so peaceful, so...frozen. Then...she wasn't black anymore, but gray...and then...white. She looked paralyzed...but yet...so peaceful. Her wings started shaking again, but not to fly. They started cracking slowly, and finally...broke. There was nothing left, but dust. The rain started falling again, hard. The sky turned black and the wind blew hard, taking the dust with it. Then the dry leaves followed...someplace they'd never be seen again.

I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right.

I got it all but I feel so deprived. I go up, I come down, and im emptier inside. Tell em where is this thing that I feel like I'm missing and why can't I let it go. Theres gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me; 'cause the more that I'm tripping down thinking there must be more to life, well it's life...but I'm sure there's gotta be more than wanting more. Im searching for something that's missing!! There's gotta be more, I'm wanting more, I'm feeling like there's something I miss.
I just wanna get it overwith. Tears from behind my eyes; but I do not cry. Feels like I'm starting all over again, the last * months were just pretend. It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.
And you know it breaks my heart to see you standing in the dark waiting there for me to come back. I'm too afraid to show. I don't wanna be stranded.
Nothing's fine I'm torn. I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on teh floor. Ilusion never changfed into something real. I'm wide awake and I cant see the perfect sky is torn. You're a little late, I'm already torn. I dont care. I have no luck. I dont miss it all that much.
I wish I could know the directions that I take. Show me what is for, make me understand it. I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer. Is there something more than what I've been handed? Is it ok to use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness? Will the ending be ever coming suddenly? Will I ever get to see the ending to my story? How much further do I have to go? How much longer untill I finally know? 'cause I'm looking and I just can't see what's infront of me.
Save my life won't you help me? Save my life can you hear me?
My feelings I hide. My dreams I can't find. I'm loosing my mind. I'm falling behind. I can't find my place. I'm loosing my faith. I'm all over the place. I'm lost inside.
I am young and I am free. But I get tired and I get weak. How does it feel to be different from me? Are we the same? How does it feel?
What a mess, what a marble. Im sad, sad, sad, small, alone, scared. This is all that I can do. I'm done to be me. Sad, scared, small, alone, beautiful. It's supposed to be like this, I accept everything, it's supposed to be like this. It's okay, I'm small, I'm divine, I'ts beautiful and it's coming and i'ts already here and i'ts absolutely perfect!
Restless tonight 'cause I wasted the light. It's nothing I planned, and not that I can. If I traded it all, if I gave it all away for one thing, just for one thing would'nt that be something. Even though I know, I don't wanna know, well I guess I know, I just hate how it sounds.
Why do they always do this to me? Why couldn't you just see through me? It's not supposed to feel this way. It's not supposed to hurt this way. Are you and me still toguether? Tell me D'you think we can alst forever? Tell me. Why? Let's play a different game than what we're playing. Do you expect me to believe I was the only one who'd fall? Go and think about whatever you need to think about. Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about, and come back to em when you know just how you feel.
Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to.
...And when the stars fall I will lie awake. You are my shooting star...


:'(

/^^\

"You get across an you're gonna find a place--another Alhambra. You got to go in that place. It's a scary place, a bad place. But you got to go in."
"Why do I have to go there if it's so bad?"
"Because" Speedy said, "that's where the talisman is."
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"You will," Speedy said. He took Jack's hand. The two of them stood face-to-face, old black man and young white boy.
"The talisman be given unto your hand, Travellin Jack. Not too big, not too small, she look just like a crystal ball, Travellin Jack, ole Travelin Jack. Here's your burden, here's your cross: Drop her jack, and all be lost..."
Speedy laughed and keyed the ignition. He backed up, turned around, and then the truck was rattling back toward Arcadia Funworld.
Jack stood by the curb, watching it go.
He had never felt so alone in his life...

"The talisman"-Stephen King/Peter Straub

[No place to go]

Everything's a mess, nothing fits. I don't, I can't trust anyone, everyone is fake, one day they're perfect next day they're turning their backs on you. It seems they're al hypocrites.
Everything's a lie. There's no stability, not here, not anywhere. There's no place safe, danger is in every corner. No place to call home, nothing good to rely on.
There has to be a place, a place to ie down, feel safe, de safe. Something to rely on, to trust on, something for me. Some place where there's reality, truth, peace, silence, solitude, some place that can be called home.
But home isn't about where you are, it's about where you heart belongs, and mine doesn't belong anywhere else.
My heart belongs with you.

Life soundtrack

Opening song:
That day- Natalie Imbruglia

Waking up:
Despues de ti- Alejandro lerner

First date:
Aunque sea poco- Vos veis
Again- Lenny kravitz

First kiss:
Take my breath away- Jessica simpson
Darte un beso- Mauricio y palo de agua

Falling in love:
She will be loved- Maroon 5
Santa elegía: Carlos vives
Te doy mi vida- Lucas arnau
One thing- Finger eleven
Luna nueva- Carlos vives
If you're gone- Matchbox 20
Fall to pieces- Avril lavigne

Seeing an old love:
Wherever you will go- The calling
Stranded- Michelle branch

Heartbreak:
Ay Hombe! - Jorge Celedon
Volver a empezar- Alejandro lerner
Here without you- 3 Doors down
Could it be any harder- The calling

Driving fast:
Harder to breathe- Maroon 5
In too deep- Sum 41

Getting ready to go out:
South side- Gwen stefani/Moby
One love- Blue

Partying with friends:
Papi Te Quiero - Ivy Queen
Si la vieras bailar- Kryptonita
Dile- Don omar

Dancing at a club:
Borracho Hasta el Amanecer - Los Coquillos
Amor de colegio- Hector y tito
Morena- Hector y tito

Flirting:
Believe in me- Lenny kravitz
Yo Quiero Saber - Ivy Queen

Feeling sexy:
Unbelievable - EMF

Walking alone in the rain:
Dame tu aire- Alex ubago
Could it be any ahrder- The calling

Missing someone:
Here without you- 3 Doors down
Here is gone- Goo goo dolls
Slipped away- Avril lavigne
Miss you- Aallyah

Playing in the ocean:
Animal song- Savage garden

Summer vacation:
Pobre diabla- Don omar
Metele sazon- Tego calderon
Teenage dirtbag- Wheatus

Fighting with someone:
Don't wanna think about you- Simple plan
Toguether- Avril lavigne
No se si es mejor- Fonseca
Walk away- Pink
Just like a pill- Pink
Faint- Linkin park
Nada- Juanes
Podemos hacernos daño- Juanes

Acting goofy with friends:
Mio- Paulina rubio
Maldita primavera- Yuri
Potpurri- Pandora
El besito cachichurris- Daniel luna
No puedo olvidarte- Menudo

Thinking back:
Bitch- Meredith brooks
Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
HmmBop- Hanson
Fast car- Tracy chapman
Eterna soledad- Enanitos verdes
A mil por hora- Lynda
Basket case- Green day
Persiana Americana - Soda Estereo
Dar es Dar - Fito Páez
Ironic - Alanis Morissette
Jaime molina- Carlos vives
Crazy- Aerosmith
Mi generacion- Poligamia

Feeling depressed:
No se si es mejor- Fonseca
Cry- Mandy moore
Loosing you- Busted
Que lloro- Sin bandera
Eterna Soledad - Enanitos Verdes
Goodbye to you- Michelle branch


Christmas time:
Malaika (JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA LOL)
Jingle bells- Chisrtmas classic

Falling asleep:
My winter- Sister hazel

Closing song:
Bitter sweet symphony- The verve

Enchantment part 1

I thought today was gonna be a regular day, you know a day like all the other days, a day in which nothing interesting happens. I walked into the room and headed for my chair, then sat on it, and waited. I waited for the day to start, like It always did. I felt weird though. Everything looked different, everything was so nicely placed, the windows looked different, it smelled good, the day seemed so nice. Everything seemed to be perfect. But one thing was the same as always. It was me, sitting there, alone, waiting, as I always did. Time was passing by so slowly, it was like all the clocks were freezing slowly. Why? Then I started to feel like I had never felt before. So eager, I was looking forward to know what was going to happen. Then there was silence. Perfect silence. It felt nice, I felt good. Something happened. Someone was coming in. How weird. I had never had company. He sat on a chair, beside me. There had never been another chair, not there, not for another person. But today, there was. It was nice, everything seemed to em so calmed, the air felt so fresh, my chair felt actually comfortable, it was like I actually wanted to be there. So weird, but at the same time so great. But then it was like time had gone flying away so fast, it ended so quickly. It felt so bad. He stood up and walked out of the room. And there I was, sitting on my chair, alone again. But then, he came back and he said "bye"". I smiled, stood up and walked out, walked out looking forward for tomorrow, looking forward to knw what this really is.
What...am I smiling?...

THE test...

1. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: Not anymore... :(
2. Do you have a crush: Come on...no one gets over it that easily!
3. Do you love anyone right now: no
4. Have you ever been in love: i think i was very close to do so...once
5. How many people have you kissed: quite the list...*blush*
6. Who was your first kiss: jujuju Alejandro *blush*
7. How many hearts have you broken: none...i think
8. How many people broke your heart: not broken broken...just hurt
9. So what is your bf/gf/crush like: The one i wanted to keep, the one i wanted to love, the tears i dont want to drop anymore.
10. Do you go by looks or personality: Personality, but looks count ;)
11. Ever kiss a friend: Yeap
12. Are you still friends: Yes
13. Do you smoke: Yeap
14. Do you smoke weed: Nope
15. Ever trip on acid: mmm...no?
16. X?: Nope
17. Crack, heroin, anything else: Nope
18. Beer good or beer bad: Beer good, HOORRAY HORRAY A CHEER FOR BEER!
19. Are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: jajaja nope I don't think so
20. Prefer beer or liquor: Liquor
21. What kind of cigarettes do you smoke: Kool L, (belmont too)
22. Are you a virgin: Yeap
23. If no, when was the last time you got some: .... haven't got any at all.

Would you...
24. Bungee jump: Yeap
25. Sky dive: Yes please!
26. Swim with dolphins: Been there, done that
27. Scuba dive: Yeap
28. Go rock climbing: Bt,dt
29. Eat shit for $1,000,000: would you?....Of course not!
30. Turn your back on your friends for personal gain: No
31. Steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: It doesn't seem to be me so... no
32. Cross-dress: Don't care.. I'm a girl
33. Lie to the police: Why not?
34. Run from the police: jejeje...sure
35. Lie to your parents: Maybe?
36. Walk up to a stranger and kiss them: Depending on the stranger ;)
37. Be an exotic dancer: jajaja No thanx!
38. Walk out of a restaurant without paying: never thought about it...but now that I do...nope!

One or the other?
67. Rock or rap: Rock
68. Rock or pop: Rock
69. Rock or punk: Both
70. Rock or metal: Rock...or both?
71. Rap or pop: Pop...or none?
72. Rap or r&b: None
73. Rap or metal: Metal...
74. Pop or emo: now that i know what EMO is and after realizing that's the music i actually like...EMO
75. Pop or metal: Metal
76. R&b or metal: Metal
77. Linkin park or limp bizkit: Linkin Park
78. Tool or korn: None
79. Selena or jennifer lopez: Selena
80. Hot or cold: Cold
81. Winter or summer: Summer
82. Spring or fall: Fall
83. Shakira or britney: None
84. Icp or eminem: Wtf is Icp?!
85. Marilyn manson or rob zombie: Marilyn Manson
86. Kittie or garbage: Garbage or kittie?...mmm
87. Mtv or vh1: Mtv
88. Buffy or angel: None...they're both CRAP!
89. Dawson's creek or gilmore girls: Gilmore Girls
90. Football or basketball: Soccer!!
91. Summer olympics or winter olympics: ...
92. Skiing or snowboarding: Snowboarding
93. Rollerblading or skateboarding: Skateboarding
94. Black or white: Black
95. Orange or red: Red
96. Yellow or green: yellow
97. Purple or pink: Purple
98. Slipknot or mudvayne: None
99. Hot topic or pac sun: PAC SUN!
100. Inside or outside: Outside
101. Weed or alcohol: Alcohol
102. Cell phone or pager: Cell Phone
103. Pen or pencil: Pen
104. Powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: PPG
105. Scooby doo or dino: Scooby Doo
106. Dragon ball z or pokemon: Pokemon
107. Star wars or star trek: Star wars
108. Tattoos or piercings: Peircings!...but tatoos are cool too
109. Prep or punk: Punk
110. Slut or whore: me? Both...JUST KIDDING!...None

The square that wanted to be free.

There once was a little square that lived with other little squares.
One day the little square was thinking about himself and the other little squares. He figured out they couldn't move,their corners wouldn't let them, they couldn't do practically anything but build. They could build a triangle if they were divided from corner to corner, they could also build rectangles if they were cut form side to side; but the little square wasn't really interested in any of those shapes, 'cause they couldn't move either. He was really sad, he didn't fit in with his friends and he couldn't do anything he wanted to do. Then, the little square looked up. He saw something approaching, he didn't really know what it was. Then he saw it. It was a group of funny figures, figures he had never seen before. He tried to go to them but he couldn't move, so he called out. The little figures heard him and moved towards him, then stared at him. They seemed to have pity for him, "look, poor little square, all alone and motionless". The little squared said "I noticed you don't have any corners like I do". "No we don't" said the figures, "wer'e circles, thats why we can move" "Circles??" asked the little square "I wish I could be one of you guys". The circles began feeeling sad for the little square, until one of them said "wait!!! I've got an idea" and he rolled away. When he came back he brought something rectangular, it seemed to be heavy. The little square didn't know why he wanted it for. But then the circle started rubbing the rectangular thing on every one of the corners on the little square. They were vanishing!!!! The corners were gone!!! The little square was so happy he could roll away with his new friends, the free circles, the ones that could move.

Reasons why...

Who's asking me if I've got reasons?
Well...I do, I have reasons. Don't know if theyre enough, and actually, don't really care.
I accept that I'm an angry person, ok, I am. But there's actually someone to blame. *Those people*. But there's nothing I'm gonna say abput it, gotta swallow it, 'cause then theyre all back at you, on top on you. Besides hypocrites theyre also parasites. There goes another reason.
Appearance. What's that again? Oh yeah, the clothes you wear and the car you drive. Well, I've got something for you....YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A DRIVERS LICENSE!!! That's reason #3, want more?
Ok I accept it, really have to stop judging, and you know why? 'cause you'll get judged because of it. Right back at ya buddy! Believe me it has happened to me (tahnkyou for giving me another reason).
And you wanna know haow all this feels like?
It feels like playing a broken guitar, surfing without waves or driving a car without gas.
And you know what's worse than that? It will never end. EVER!
That's why I do what I do, I foud its the only way to stay out of it. That's where freedom lies.
Just swallow it, swallow everything. That's how you'll slip to unconsciousness. Peace lies at the bottom of it.
It's beautiful, it actually makes me smile. I feel alone, but better. I feel safe and actually happy.
Don't punish me for doing it, you don't deserve my punishment.
You think I'm crazy, I think it's fine.
You see the lost angel in the city of night, I feel like a lucky little lady in a city of lights.
You'd rather cry, I'd rather fly.

...That's why.

*Heaven*

Would you be happier if you focused on something different?
Like in the feeling you get when you finish reading your favorite book, or when you win three games of checkers in a row, or even when you win a prize.
There's no feeling like the feeling you get everytime that *someone* says hi, or crosses your street or sits on your front porch. Or when you get to see your favorite band for the first time...live. Or even when you finally ...make it.
I don't expect you to understand, neither do I plan to explain.
It seems this is heaven for no one else...but me.